A mother bought her son a $100 Halloween costume to scare his friends. "Should I take the price tag off?" the boy asked.
"Leave it on." his mother replied. "We'll scare your father too."
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A: If it's the flu, you'll get better.
Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.
Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A: 'Cause you're fatter than they are.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?
Q: How long is the average woman in labor?
A: Whatever she says divided by two.
Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q: Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids?
A: Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Doctor : I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient : Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor : The lab called with your test results. They
said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient : 24 hours! That's terrible!! What could be worse?
What's the very bad news?
Doctor : I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.
The father was reading the school-report which had just been handed to him by his hopeful son. His brow was wrathful as he read:
"English, poor, Franch, weak, mathematics, fair," and he gave a glance of disgust at the quaking lad.
"Well, dad." said the son, "it is not as good as it might bem, but have you seen that?" And he pointed to the next line, which read:" Health, excellent."
A teacher was asking her class: "What is the difference
between 'unlawful' and 'illegal'?" Only one hand shot up.
"Ok, answer, Joan," said the teacher.
"unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't
allow and 'illegal' is a sick eagle."
显身卡
